The Handbook for Mothers

This afternoon I made a double batch of sugar cookie dough to stick in the fridge in order to make Christmas cookies in the days to come. As I scraped the dough from my mixer into a bowl with a lid, the 6 year old daughter came in and requested a taste; I handed her one of the paddles. Moments later, the 12 year old daughter came in from practicing her violin and requested to lick the bowl; I told her she could have the other paddle.

12 yr old: "Who gets the bowl? You?
Me: "Yes"
12 yr old: "That's not fair."
Me: "Of course you would think that wasn't fair."

She then exits to put away her violin. I call the 11 yr old daughter to take the dough to the basement fridge and upon her return to the kitchen, I give her the spatula to enjoy. There we were then, gathered in the kitchen, each enjoying the sugar cookie dough when...

12 yr old: "Moms aren't supposed to lick the bowl. That's for kids."
Me: "Oh really? Who says?"
12 yr old with glint in her eye: "I read it."
Me: "In what book did you read this?"
12 yr old without hesitation: "In The Handbook for Mothers."
Me: "Where did you find this book to read?"
12 yr old: "In the library."
Me: "What page did you find it on?"
12 yr old: "512"
Me: "What page?"
12 yr old thinking she is winning this battle: "12"
Me: "Then I know you've been reading the ersatz Handbook for Mothers, because you gave me the wrong page and paragraph number."
12 yr old, not willing to give up quite yet: "Then what page? How do you know you've not been reading the ersatz book."
Me: "Who is the mother? When you get to be a mother you'll have the real book too, but till then mothers don't allow their children to read their handbook."