Being involved

Often, when people miss church for a long time, it is hard for them to start coming back even when they want to. The feelings (whether real or imagined) of "what will everyone think," "I don't want others to make a fuss over me," "nobody really missed me, or likes me, or cares about me," all can float through the mind and prevent the person from once again attending worship. That is sad. But I can understand those feelings. I have them too, but with groups, not worship.

When I'm not active in Loopers and I come back to the conversations, it isn't always easy. The conversations seem to be all going along, and I'm not any part. Why should I jump in with my thoughts? Others seem more able to keep up with the dialog, than I. What does anyone care what I think? Yes, I have those thoughts, too, whether real or imagined.

Same thing with the Ladies' group at church or the Family Fun group (of which I basically run). Why would they miss me? What's the point? What does my involvement matter.

But when I just jump in with both feet, I find that it does matter. Maybe not to everyone else, but to me. I enjoy being part of those groups. Sharing thoughts, ideas, work, and fun with each group. They help me to wrench my thoughts from centering on myself, to others. I need that constant reminder, maybe more than others.

So even though I'm behind on looper mail and not sure how or when I'll catch up, I'll keep at it.
Even though I don't always *feel* like attending the Ladies' meetings at church or planning the Family Fun events, I will, because I need to keep reminding myself that it shouldn't always be about me.